01 x 12: Fire

What an exciting episode. Mulder rekindles a relationship with an old flame he once went to college with at Oxford. In fact, we learn a lot about Mulder in this episode, including that he’s got a phobia of fire and that he has a photographic memory (two traits that are never brought up in the series ever again.) Meanwhile, Scully profiles and later identifies a suspected arsonist with supernatural powers.

How much money did they waste in this exciting episode? I’ll attempt to find out.

The episode begins with a case of spontaneous combustion which occurs in England

Queue the opening credits.

The episode continues with Mulder and Scully waiting in their car in the parking garage at the J. Edgar Hoover Building. Mulder finds a cassette tape which he plays. It’s a recording which insinuates there’s a bomb strapped underneath their car. Turns out, it’s a prank played on the pair by Phoebe, an old flame of Mulder’s. She was a former classmate of Mulder’s at Oxford where Mulder got his degree in Psychology. It was she who planted the tape… you know… as a game. Note here that Mulder introduces Scully as “Dana Scully…” yeah it’s weird.

Phoebe asks Mulder and Scully to assist in a case about what appears to be spontaneous human combustion and Mulder agrees.

Also note Mulder makes out with Phoebe multiple times in this episode which, again, should result in his termination.

Mulder confesses to Scully that he has a phobia of fire and that he also has a photographic memory; two traits of his that are never brought up again.

Anyway, the supernatural pyrotechnic arsonist they’re after is in Boston and strikes at a bar. He sets the bar on fire and there are witnesses. Mulder travels to Boston Mercy Hospital, presumably in a government car to question one of the patrons of the bar. Boston Mercy Hospital is a fictional place so I used Boston Medical Center which is 440 miles from the J Edgar Hoover building which would run about $223.18 in reimbursement fees in today’s money (at 28 cents / mile in 1993 based off of the national reimbursement rate). I decided this is probably on Friday 12/3/93. 

I had trouble deciding whether or not Mulder and Scully would have driven to Boston or flown; however due to the convenience of driving; I decided they drove; the timing of the flights would have been troublesome.

Mulder questions the victim at the hospital who had spoken with the arsonist at a bar. This actress is pretty good, she’s apprehensive because she was supposed to be at school and her husband didn’t know she was at the bar. Somehow it’s found that the arsonist is likely targeting this British family that lives in Cape Cod.

Now this family is incredibly stupid. The arsonist is a caretaker for the family, the Marsden’s, who has just moved to this new mansion in Cape Cod. The arsonist painted a creepy portrait of the Mrs. Marsden and hung it in the main stairwell. She and her husband notice this painting and write it off as a coincidence that this painting looks like her.

We can assume here that Mulder stayed the night in Boston, perhaps at the Venable’s plaza hotel which runs at $337 a night in today’s money. This hotel is over the top. There’s a freaking canopy bed in Mulder’s room. 

Anyways, meanwhile, Scully is in DC attempting to profile the arsonist. This is interesting since Mulder is the one who was known for his criminal profiling prowess and it was he who went to Oxford and obtained his degree in psychology. Why Scully is doing the criminal profiling is beyond me. I guess she’s doing this because she’s awesome.

In Boston, Phoebe and Mulder are talking in the rain. We see Mulder has a brand new umbrella which I am charging him $20 for because that’s what I charge for umbrellas in Roller Coaster Tycoon. That’s $20 in present day money. It is during this conversation that Mulder decides to go undercover at a party that this British family is having. They believe the arsonist is trying to get close to this British family and that he will attend the party.

So Mulder spends another night at this hotel and tips the Bell hop man $2 (in today’s money that’s $3.62). Mulder is also wearing a tux which we can assume he rented which according to menswarehouse.com runs about $199.99.

Scully calls Mulder from DC to see if he needs help. Now, this phone call would be roaming and Mulder would have had to set his phone up in Boston in order to receive roaming calls. This costs $3/day and $0.95/min in 1993 money based on my Cellular Travel Guide book from 1993. In today’s money, for Mulder to have set his phone up for roaming for 3 days and assuming he only spoke on the phone for 5 minutes his bill would be $25.27; a conservative estimate to say the least.

Scully talks to Mulder at 5:15PM and decides to head to Boston. She arrives in Boston shortly after 6:47PM. Again, I assumed she drove but this would be impossible because this is a 438 mile drive for her. However, the chances of there being a flight that she could go on to get to Boston immediately are very low. So, I assumed she requisitioned a car for this drive which would be reimbursed at $222.16 in today’s money.

Again, it’s a 7h and 2m drive, so it is possible that the party ran late.

Scully’s talent as an investigator truly shines here. Within moments of arriving at the hotel, Scully identifies the arsonist, and discovers there’s a fire in the hotel in the room the family’s children are staying. It’s funny because Scully randomly stumbles upon this weird high tech fire alarm system that doesn’t exist in real life.

Mulder tries to save the children but instead has to pathetically be rescued by the fire fighters and is put on supplemental oxygen. He loses consciousness and weirdly, instead of being brought to the hospital he’s brought to his hotel room where he regains consciousness. I guess this is ok because Scully is a doctor? Since this is an overnight stay both he and Scully would be charged for another night at the hotel running $674 total.

Scully is suspiscious of the driver but no one listens to her. Of note here, Scully makes a call from Mulder’s hotel room to the local FBI field office but is on hold. Historically, I found that local hotel room phone call cost about $1.00 to initiate and then $0.10/min after the first 30 minutes. So we can assume this call cost $1.81 in today’s money.

Mulder decides to go the Marsden residence in Cape Cod. Scully decides to call Mulder shortly after he leaves but hears a recording instead that says Mulder’s cell phone is out of the area. Now, based on my Cellular Travel Guide Book from 1993, Boston and Cape Cod should be in the same region and she should not have reached this recording. 

Anyway this drive for the pair to separately drive is roughly 82 miles or $83.59 in today’s money.

Mulder and Scully confront the arsonist and it is here that Phoebe douses him with rocket fuel and saves the day. Afterward, we can assume that Mulder and Scully drive back to the Venable’s Plaza Hotel ($83.59 in mileage) and each get separate rooms for the night ($337) each before driving back to DC (438 miles or $444.32 reimbursement total for them both).

In total on this investigation Mulder and Scully wasted about $3,351.44. It’s unclear if they really prevented anything. I guess the arsonist wouldn’t have gotten caught at the end… but it’s hard to say.

Mulder the whole time was busy snogging Phoebe so… he should have been fired and so should Phoebe… Scully was the only one who did anything usefull. And why was Scully the one who was responsible for writing a criminal profile for the arsonist when Mulder is the criminal profiler? So many questions… and so much money wasted.